Delayed Reaction

I awoke today
and the fear was as
fresh
as the night it happened.
The fingerprint sized
bruises
marking the tender
undersides of my arms
have bloomed
and faded.
The hard painful
knot
under my chin
still hurts
but is softening and
beginning
to itch
like an old bee sting.

But the images
sounds and
emotions
from 5 nights ago
are suddenly
flooding
my mind,
vividly repeating
like the clips on tv
after some devastating act
of terrorism
or a natural disaster
which eclipses all
other
news of the day.

I can still see
the blind
rage
in your eyes.
I still
flinch
as you pin me by the
throat
to the wet ground
and your spit
flies
into my face with
each
angry
syllable.
I am still
struggling
against your shadow
fighting you off
so that I may
flee.
And for the past
several
hours
it has taken
all
of my
determination to
not
curl into a ball
hugging my favorite pillow,
to not
let the delayed fear
take over,
contorting my body
with loud
sobbing
cries.

I’m not ready to break down
quite yet.
I want to let my
truth
in words
flow out
before the memories are
washed away in a
flood
of tears
and the anesthesia
of sleep.

I am reminded of the
all too common story
about the beloved
family dog
that one day
snaps,
biting the youngest child.
The family is
shocked and
outraged,
the dog can
no longer
be trusted,
because it has
revealed
its deep set
feral
nature
in the
worst
possible way.

For all of your evolved
loving
nature
you cannot
override
the damage in your
brain
the volatile
tectonic
fault lines in your
psyche.
You keep telling me
that I should
stop
being afraid of you
that you will
never
hurt me.
But here is the
proof
that from time to time
you are
actually
a violent
madman
and you should
never
be trusted.

There is a
silver
lining
emerging from this
experience.
Despite the
pain and
sorrow and
fear,
despite the
residual
trauma,
I have finally found
closure.

© 2015 Amber Rhapsody Jet & gemstonerhapsody.wordpress.com

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